Reasons Why George Lucas Should Never Write Dialogue

Much as I love Star Wars, the excellent Dark Horse adaptation of George Lucas's rough draft illustrates wonderfully just how terrible he was at dialogue. You know that scene in Attack of the Clones just as Anakin and Padme are being led out to the arena where Padme professes her love:

Anakin: Don't be afraid.
Padme: I'm not afraid to die. I've been dying a little bit each day since you came back into my life.
Anakin: What are you talking about?
Padme: I love you.
Anakin: You love me? I thought we had decided not to fall in love. That we'd be forced to live a lie and that it would destroy our lives.
Padme: I think our lives are about to be destroyed anyway. I truly... deeply... love you and before we die I want you to know.

There's a precursor to that:

And then, just a little later:

Dear lord that's clunky dialogue.

Perusing Previews - January 2014

A bumper issue to start the year which is just as well as I'm stupidly busy with real world stuff like applying for a new job and things so apologies if it goes a little quiet round here.

Still: onward!

Why do you need to show something clearly labelled as a "12 Inch" figure with a ruler next to it? Especially one which is clearly longer than 12 inches?!

Monday Memories #42 - Star Wars: A Long Time Ago #1

Each Monday this year I'll be taking a look back at a random comic, prestige format issue, graphic novel or collection of reprints from amongst my 3,000 or so comics that date from 1962 to 2003 - I figured anything in the last ten years would be too recent to hark back to.

The comics are chosen completely at random and apart from a four week lead-in period, even I don't know what I'll be looking at in the weeks to come!

Dear JJ Abrams

This is just perfect - clear, succinct and beautifully animated.

Perusing Previews - July 2013

As typically American as superhero comics are, I think Archie comics are even more so; they're as quintessentially American as the stars and stripes and mom's apple pie. Which is why it was a little surprising to see they're doing a zombie apocalypse story! Not something I ever expected to see.

The Star Wars

I am an unashamed Star Wars fan and the idea of getting to see George Lucas' original script in comic form warms the cockles of my heart. And trust me, it takes a lot for me to get warm cockles.

I will definitely be buying this.

Perusing Previews - June 2013

Tempted as I was by the ongoing series, I didn't bother picking it up. The trade paperback, though, I've taken a punt on and pre-ordered as I'm willing to give most things by Palmiotti and Gray a chance.

Happy Star Wars Day!

How did you think Lord Vader kept his boots so shiny?

Perusing Previews - May 2013

As much as I love Star Wars, I can't think of a better ending for these furry little bastards.

Perusing Previews - April 2013

According to the solicitation, Animals With Sharpies contains pictures of animals using Sharpies pens to write messages dealing with "political and religious tracts, confessions, recipes, arithmetic problems and more. Above all, these paintings are funny"

Can I suggest that if you're pushing a book containing "funny" pictures, you might want to put a better one on the cover?

What's In A Name?

Over the years I've met a few people named for various other people or things.

I've known a Kayleigh, named after the Marillion song.

I've known a Stevie, named after Stevie Nicks.

I've known a Layla, named after the song that drives me nuts but not as much as Wonderful Tonight does.

And while I've not met any, I'd be willing to bet there's more than a few 30-something Lukes out there, named after a certain Mr Skywalker.

But I think even the most ardent Star Wars fan would balk at naming their child after Chewbacca's son:

Lumpy.

Dear lord . . .

Cos Every Girl's Crazy...

Lando Calrissian's crazy disguises:

It's not just Chewie who doesn't like them, Lando.

Hate To Call You A Liar, Skywalker

Having landed on a water world as part of a diplomatic mission, Luke Skywalker gets amazed about the scenery:

That's a fair enough reaction for someone who grew up on a desert planet and farmed moisture.

Trouble is, when he says "I've never seen oceans like these anywhere" in issue #74, he's obviously forgotten all about issue #12:

What was that, Threepio?

Oh, right.

The New Slave Leia?

Sure, go to just about any comic convention and you'll see hordes of cosplayers dressed as slave Leia but I bet you won't find a single Chanteuse Leia.

Original Cast React To News Of Stand Alone Star Wars Films

Perusing Previews - February 2013

From the solicitation info:

"What is the one Super Power that is more than a match for Vibe..."

Really? There's just one that can beat Vibe? As much as I like the guy and think the Justice League Detroit really wasn't that bad, I find it hard to believe there's only one super power that can beat him.

Bard Wars

So . . . Luke and Lando are trying to pick up some TIE fighters so that they can masquerade as imperials for a mission but the problem is, the bloke they're trying to get them from is a shady, double-crossing no-good nerf herder. He has them stashed on an asteroid that's used as a dumping ground and when Luke and Lando go to get the fighters, they discover the bloke's guard dog - a huge, man-eating worm called Caesar.

Narrowly escaping the fiend, they discover a small group of other pilots who've been hiding out on the asteroid, unable to escape because of the vicious worm. Thankfully, Luke and Lando are confident they can come up with something to make sure everybody gets off the planet and they get the TIE fighters.

The other pilots may not get the reference, but it looks like Tatooine's schools managed to drill some Shakespeare into young Luke before he left.

Give Me A Head's Up

Ahh, yet more old style Star Wars tom-foolery: Luke Skywalker's breaking into an Imperial base to get some information but the Empire are aware he's on the way and so post guards to capture him as he heads to the computer room.

Thing is, Luke's gone a different way and used a terminal in the kitchen to get the same info, leaving the stormtroopers hanging around in the wrong place.

Luckily, they have state of the art equipment to alert them to their error:

Yep, that appears to be a metal arm that's popped out of the front of his helmet, dangling a message board in front of his face with the word ALERT written on it.

A head's up display, 80's style.

Just Good Friends

You knew this was going to happen, didn't you? I start reading old Star Wars stories and I'm going to find stuff that - in hindsight - doesn't really tie up with what we know now. Obvious case in point is Luke and Leia's relationship:

"Something more than friends" eh, Luke? How about brother and sister? Or isn't that what you were going for?

The Circle Is Now Complete

Years ago I managed to pick up volumes 1 to 3 of Star Wars: A Long Time Ago, the Dark Horse reprints of the original Marvel Star Wars series from the 70's and 80's. They were fairly expensive as graphic novels go - £25 each brand new - so I left getting the rest for a long while.

Now, though, thanks to Amazon allowing second hand copies to be sold, I've finally tracked the last four volumes down, each one for only a little over half the original price. Sure, one or two of them have slightly scuffed covers but none of the pages are loose or torn and that's the main thing.

So, guess what I'll be reading over the coming weeks?